I'm Hearing Voices!

Profound thoughts happen while in the bathroom.

Have you ever noticed this?  Tonight, while brushing my teeth, I began to hear voices.  But before you send over a squad from the local nuthouse, let me explain.

I noticed the new tube of toothpaste I had just set on the sink and could just imagine my three-year-old, Judah, asking as he cocked his head, “What?  You got a new one of these to clean your teeth with?”.  Next, I glanced over to the lion and frog hooded towels still damp from tonight’s bath and could hear the boy’s laughter as they debated between who’s turn it was to be the frog (most favorite) and who had to be the lion (again…somehow the LITTLE brother is the lion 99% of the time, hmm).  I smiled ruefully at the half empty Kleenex box as I heard my one-year-old, EvaLee, say oh-so-innocently, “Momma!?” when I walked in on her tissue-party the other day as Kleenexes floated like confetti through the air.  I also recalled that I didn’t smile at that moment!  

I paused in brushing, my mouth filling with toothpaste foam and my heart overflowing with memories.  I never fully realized that our children are everywhere.  They are a part of us and their unique take on life is tied into the things we see, the places we go…the person we view in the mirror.  The thought of anything ever happening to any one of them is truly more than a parent could ever bear…but when something really does and that parent is left with just their memories, they must forever see that precious child and hear his/her special take on life in EVERYTHING around them.  I think it’s as if there is a special spot in our heart for each child that ONLY that child fills, they are irreplaceable in every sense of the meaning.

This thought led me to another thought that made my eyes widen in wonder as I leaned over the bathroom sink and stared into the mirror.

Could this be true of our heavenly Father as well?

Could there be a spot in his heart that is uniquely designed for a relationship with us and ONLY us?

Does God look at a fuchsia colored flower and smile to recall that it’s my favorite color?  When he sees a friend of mine that I recently spent time with, does he chuckle at the memory of us putting tutus on our heads and posing for pictures at a children’s museum (What?!  Who would do something like that!?)?  When he sees a mistake I made, one that I would hang my head in sorrow at the memory of, does he feel a tender love towards me…knowing that in our weakness, we become aware in a greater way that we can’t do it alone, that we need HIM?

If we are designed in the image of God ("made in God's image" verse), then is it so far-fetched to believe that God is a parent like us in many ways…a parent madly in love with each of His children despite their failures and “quirks”?  A parent who loves each of us uniquely and longs for a relationship with us?  Is this why He left the 99 sheep to go after ONE (Story about Lost Sheep), because his heart has a hole carved out in it for each of us and only that ONE person can fill that child-shaped hole?

These questions lead to a final question for you, dear reader: Has the special spot in God’s heart designed for a relationship with you been filled yet?  And if not, what are you waiting for?  

It’s a free gift that is extended to us by the BEST Father in the universe...if you are that ONE in the 99, he is desperately seeking YOU.

The BEST and MOST Expensive Gift for Children

What’s the cost of a child?  I’ve heard figures tossed out that estimate $222,360* to raise a child from birth to age eighteen.  That includes everything from their first diaper and prom dress until their last big toy (ie, car) and final semester of high school.

Given our current family, that would estimate our cost of child-raising to total around ONE MILLION dollars!  Hey, I guess that means we own a million dollars worth of property!  That figure could make me shake in my Momma slippers…except that prom dresses and football camps aren’t the main cost we consider when we ask this question, “Should we have a child?”

We may pay for our children’s college education.

But, we may not.

We may buy them all their jeans from Hollister (well, if you can find the actual jean through all the tears and holes).

Um...seriously?  This inch of fabric cost money?!

But, we may not.

When we think ahead to what our legacy as parents should be to our precious gifts from God, we don’t focus on giving them just material possesions nor college degrees.  Of course, there is value in blessing our children with things just because we love them.  The concept of grace (receiving something we didn’t earn or don’t deserve) is caught by our kids when we do this and it’s a crucial concept as they grow into adults.  

With that in mind, I think the BEST thing we can invest in our children cost MORE than the most stunning wedding dress (yes, even the one recently worn at the Royal Wedding!) and it cost even more than four years (or more!) at the most expensive Ivy League school…curious?  The cost of leaving an unforgettable legacy to our children canned be summed up with four HUGE figures…here it is…T-I-M-E.

TIME cost us everything.

TIME cost us putting our own BIG dreams aside for a season (though they may be good and wonderful…world-changing even!).

TIME cost us setting down LITTLE distractions (Can the facebook check in wait?  Will we die from NOT answering our cell phone now and then? Will the dusty shelf and dirty dishes still be there after they go to bed?).

TIME is spent EVERY day in making special memories; blowing bubbles and laughing with them while they splash in the bathtub, ignoring the popsicle dripping all over their new white shirt to focus on them as they share a silly joke, reading them a bedtime story when you get home from work instead of turning on the T.V. and putting up those aching feet.

TIME is spent in shaping their character to be Christ-like.  It’s choosing to be consistent and discpline (yes, for the fifth time in FIVE minutes) when he disobeyes and sneaks out of bed.  It’s teaching the siblings engaged in WWIII how to make amends and treat eachtoher with love and respect, in spite of differing opinions.  It’s showing them how to share a smile and warm hug with a special needs friend because we are all perfect and amazingly created by God.  It’s slowing down when we notice the speed sign (or cop!) and joyfully obeying the law.  It’s clasping our hand over our heart when the Pledge of Alligience plays and standing with pride, reminding them that freedom isn’t free and our brave soldiers pay for our freedom with both their time and lives.  

It takes TIME to teach and exemplify the lessons that form these characteristics in their lives; Respect, Care, Gentleness, Self-Control, Compassion, Gratitude, and Courtesy, to name just a VERY few.

And, ultimately, it cost TIME to teach them about a God who stepped out of the endless continuum of Eternity to enter our temporary world as Jesus of Nazareth and spend TIME with us in order to lead us back to Himself.  

At the end of our days (and honey, like it or not, that day arrives for us all), our legacy to our children will be summed up in this; the MEMORIES we shared, the CHARACTER they developed, and, most importantly (because eternity is FOREVER), the DECISION they made about Jesus.

What does this legacy cost us?  It will cost us everything but the reward is absolutely priceless.  It will cost us TIME.

*The U.S.D.A. numbers are in, it now costs an average middle-income American family $222,360 to raise a child from birth to 18. That’s 22 percent higher than it was in 1960, adjusted for inflation. And that doesn’t begin to include college costs.

Action Girl Strikes Again!

Lately four words have been suspended in the air every time I stand at the crossroads between peace and worry, between fear and faith.

“Do you trust me?”

The situations change, the dilemmas take on different faces but the question remains, “Do you trust me?”

I don’t know…do I, Lord?

Because the answer to that will determine how I respond in this moment and, ultimately, it will determine the outcome of THIS situation...which could change my life forever.

But no pressure, right?!

Can I be real with you?  Trusting sometimes seems like INaction to a girl who loves action (which is why I truly am loving life with all my tiny people, just call me Action Girl!).  Trust seems like giving up but I’m realizing it’s really giving in to the Creator who sees the entire symphony while I stare in confusion at a single note on the music sheet.

You know that saying, “Some people have to learn the hard way?”  Hello, nice to meet you: I am that people.  Darn it all.   I seem to enjoy head-butting a brick wall repeatedly before I finally rub my head and say, “Well, maybe there’s a better way.”  Thankfully, I do eventually learn and try something different!

Just today I heard these four little words again when I hung up the phone after a conversation with my husband (and the loudest “la-la-la” song I could muster didn't do a thing to quiet that question in my soul).

Let me just say, I adore my man.  He’s a good, hard-working man and the best daddy I could have ever dreamed of to our four children.  I feel pretty dang lucky.  That being said...the man drives me crazy sometimes!  Especially when I feel I got marching orders for our life and he has a different idea.  Why can’t he ever just smile and say, “Yes, Dear.”?!  It’s not like I want to be in control…I just think sometimes my way is the HIGH way, as in the BEST way.  Like I said before: brick wall.

Both my husband, Bob, and I felt God put it on our hearts last year to get our home ready to sell.  I have no idea why since raising four children in a two bedroom home has been marvelous fun but, alas, I will sacrifice for the sake of the Kingdom if God has something better for us (wink, wink!).  

It was truly an exciting day last fall when (just a few days after I had decided to be completely content with where we are now) I felt God nudge me and say, “Get the house ready to sell next year.”  When I first heard this, I immediately wanted to know “the scoop”, “Sure, God: but then what?  Should we start looking for a new home?  Where are we going?  What will we be doing?  How will this all work?”  Here was the answer I got: “Do you trust me?”  I took a big breath and nodded, Yes, I do.  

Next, I sealed my lips (which should really be the 8th wonder of the world) and waited patiently for God to confirm this by putting it in Bob’s heart also (can I get a woo-woo from all the ladies out there who also think they hear from God first, ha ha!!).  Sure enough, a few weeks later, Bob (who had wanted to have the house paid off before we ever sold it, i.e. in the year 2050 when we would be transitioning to a nursing home) said the same thing out of the blue and I nearly tackled him to the ground in excitement (which brought NO complaints from him, of course).

Fast forward seven months to this spring as I envision our front yard; flowers blooming, green grass sprouting and a “For Sale” sign attracting just the perfect buyer for our well-loved home.  That would, of course, be according to “Tara’s Way or The Highway Plan” which was vetoed tonight by my sweetheart. His plans included finishing up a few home projects (which for a family short on time and cash and big on family demands made me feel like he was proposing we scale Mt. Everest, blindfolded.) and taking more time (remember, Action Girl here?!) to think and pray about it (boring, ha ha!).  Naturally, I did what any self-respecting Action Girl would do: I proposed my plan again and again…and again from different angles.  I try so hard to be tricky but tonight, I was busted by Bob, “If you insist, we’ll do it your way then.”  An image of a brick wall flashed in my mind and I sighed, “No, it’s okay, we’ll stick to your plan, that sounds wise.”  With that, I hung up and a tear escaped down my cheek.  Nothing was going according to MY plan and I felt helpless when suddenly, I heard four little words,

“Do you trust me?”

Do I trust Him to not only lead me but trust him to lead my husband in the direction we are supposed to go?  When I slipped a shiny band over my fiancée's finger six years ago and spoke the words of commitment until death that made him my Leader, my Best Friend and my Husband, I meant it.  But there are days that I try to carry a burden that is too heavy for my shoulders, days I try to lead and make him follow ME…days that I DON’T trust him which reminds me I’m not trusting the One that equipped him with the faith and fortitude to lead our family.

“Do you trust me?”

The question hung in the air as I stared at the silent cell phone in my hand.  

But I have to DO something, I have to MAKE something happen!  The protests of Action Girl were met with the same four-word-question and in my mind’s eye, I could see beautiful nail-scarred hands.  Who loves me more?  Who could possibly have a better plan for our life than the One that gave up his only Son so that we could have both life abundantly here on earth and in the life eternal that lays beyond this temporary home.

There was something a Girl of Action could do that would change things while I trusted God…

Something powerful…

Something amazing…

Something real…

I got down on my knees and prayed.

Yes, God, I trust You.

"Lead Me" Music Video

What the H***?!

The joy of watching a dated movie from the top bunk of my son's bunk-bed, on the world’s tiniest screen (I think it’s a 10-incher!), with three little rugrats who are poking their static-haired heads out from the heaps of blankets, is comparable to the joy of watching a new flick on the big screen at the theatre.

The movie du’ jour was a cute cartoon starring Robin Williams named, “Robots”.  It’s amusing laughing at jokes the kids don’t get yet; like when the proud new robot-parents celebrate the arrival of their new baby-robot because it was successfully delivered by their mail man robot...in a box!  As they put together their little baby-robot they are surprised to discover an extra piece in the box of baby-parts, which they soon realize is because it’s a BOY!

Wouldn't it be nice sometimes if our kids were robots and we could program them to be obedient and joyful at all times?  There would be other perks too, such as turning them off at bedtime and removing their mouth-piece if they wouldn’t stop talking our ears off!

But if my children were robots, one of my all-time favorite moments would seem completely meaningless.  I melt into a Mama-puddle anytime they jump into my arms and whisper these three words, “I love you.”

If I knew that I had programmed them to tell me and their daddy these sentiments, then it would seem very unsentimental.  If these words didn't come from their sweet little hearts, I wouldn't truly cherish the way their tiny fingers cup my face as their eyes meet mine and they each declare their love in their own unique way, “I wuv ew, Mommy” or “Mama, I love you lots n’ lots.”

Because could love really be love if it weren't a choice?

Something my husband and I thoroughly enjoy is taking one of our children out on a “Mommy/Daddy Date”.  It’s a special outing that usually involves a special drink (thank you to our date-night sponsor of Icee drinks), a stop at the park or lake to feed the ducks and sometimes (if they’re really lucky), a visit to their favorite store where they get this surprise, “Pick out any toy you want!!”  Of course, this is usually followed up with, “Okay, except that toy for $54.99.  How about ANY toy you want…for under $5?!”  Thankfully, they are just as happy with that!

I haven’t yet had this happen, but imagine with me that I were to ask our four-year-old, Gideon, if he wanted to join me for a Mommy Date and he replied, “No thanks.”

Well, I would think, he must not realize how great of a time this is going to be.  So I would crouch down eye-to-eye with my son and carefully explain what our date would be like,

“You would get a special drink, we could feed the ducks and you could even pick out a new toy.  Maybe we could stop and rent your favorite Batman show at the video store.  What do you think, big guy?”

If Gideon were to just shrug and say, “No, I’d rather stay here and go to bed.” (then obviously this is going to be a BIG stretch of the imagination), I would maybe have his Daddy explain how much fun we could have or have his brother who is a BIG fan of the “Mommy/Daddy Date” encourage him to go.  But if Gideon STILL refused and I threw him over my shoulder, carried him kicking and screaming out to the van and buckled him into is car-seat, saying,

“Well I love you kid, so you WILL spend time with me.”  I don’t think you would be voting for me to win a “Mother of the Year” award...and rightly so!

Because could you truly enjoy spending time with someone that forced you to be with them?

There is a reason God doesn't spit us off of an assembly line as pre-programmed robots.  He created precious children made of flesh, blood and the ability to make their own choices.

He carefully hand-made each one of us, placing unique giftings and passions in our hearts.  He knew our first day of "Kindergarten" would come: a day that we would enter a crazy world full of hurt and confusion.  So He stuck a love letter (His Word) in our backpacks of how to survive (and even thrive!) in the madness of it all; and, most importantly, how to get back home.  He then carved out a hole in our hearts that He knew only a God-parent madly in love with their child could fill.

And then he waited.  And He is still waiting for us.

God is waiting for us to choose to love him.  He could have programmed us roboticly (is that even a word?) to say, “I love you, God.  I love you, God.”  but then, it wouldn’t be love, it would be a mindless program doing what it was programmed to do.  How boring!

And in the same way, God doesn't send people to hell.  People choose to go there when they choose to reject God and His loving invitation to join him in Heaven for eternity. Hell was not designed for us, Heaven was. But when we refuse God and His offer this is the only place there is that exists without Him.

God is preparing the ULTIMATE “Daddy Date” in Heaven.  Jesus is a BIG fan of the “Daddy Date” and he came to urge us to go.  He told us they are preparing a feast for us (Isaiah 25:6) that cherry Icees will have nothing on!  Jesus also said a place is being built for us (John 14:2) and being that He is the most famous Carpenter in the world, I’m thinking it will put every house on the "Parade of Homes" tour to shame. The alternative post-life hang out is much more scary than any monster hiding under the bed at bed-time.  The alternative is hell and Jesus had a lot to say about that place too.

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Matthew 10:28

If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. Mark 9:43

For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment. 2 Peter 2:4

He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Matthew 24:51

After reading these passages, one could conclude two things:

1.  Jesus did not care about winning popularity contest, He cared about speaking the truth, straight up and from the heart.

2.  Is there a hell?  HELL, YES!  And hell ain’t no party.  

We could choose to not love God and say “no thanks” when He opens His loving arms to us, inviting us on an eternal “Daddy Date”.  The beauty of the way God created us is that we are free to make that choice, to love him or to reject Him.  To jump in the van and buckle in for an adventure of our lifetime or to choose the darkness with stuff scarier than any monsters in the closet.

God does know what’s best for you, He could throw you over his big shoulder, march you into Heaven and make you spend forever with him.  

But is that really love?

Because ultimately, who we love and whether or not we choose to spend time with them (including forever) is a CHOICE.

Being a big fan of the “Daddy Date”, if you asked me if it would be a good choice to love God and spend eternity with him, I would say,

“God and Heaven...definitely YES!  Hell...NO!”

"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'  All that are in hell choose it." -C.S. Lewis