Hit List #1: Sibling Glue (Growing in Friendship with Eachother)

Helping To Grow Your Children in Friendship with Each other!

There is so much talk these days about "family togetherness" and I am ALL for that...but often overlooked is a very important and potentially LIFELONG bond that can be cultivated between siblings.  I feel so passionately about this that I wanted to dedicate a page of the Cole Place Blog to it so we can come together as parents with ideas and plans on how to make our children become the best of friends!

Check out this AWESOME radio broadcast about helping to cultivate a sibling-friendship for your kids in the hopes they will remain close, even through the adult years!

(What I love about this show is that it isn't just how to get your kids to STOP fighting but talks about research that was done on what the contributing FACTORS are involved in siblings that have strong relationships)

Click on this link to LISTEN to these shows:

Binding Siblings Hearts Together

Factors That Lead to a Strong Family

SIBLING FUN JAR

Can I get a SHOUT OUT from every amazing mother out there that is constantly playing referee to their bickering children?!  Well, I for one am sick of it.  I have accepted that this will SOMETIMES just be life, but I refuse to play referee 24/7!  Thus, the "Sibling Fun Jar" was invented.  It's free, it's simple and it's SANITY some days!  

I just took a jar, decorated it then filled it with little notes decorated with the boy's fave superhero and animal stickers.  When they get into an argument, they each must close their eyes and draw out a note from the jar.  

These notes say things like, "Hug your brother as BIG as you can."  "Act like a silly monkey until make your brother laugh."  "Look your brother in the eye and tell him one thing you LOVE about him."  "Hold hands with your brother for 5 minutes (Mom sets timer)."  You get the idea!

It breaks up the usual lecturing (and I assume "in ear and out the other" most days) and gets them having fun and blessing the other person instead of being selfish and trying to get what they want.  Of course, make this age appropriate.  My examples apply to a 3 and 4 year old!  Although I would like to see two teenage boys holding hands for five minutes...what a scene that could be!

After they are do their "fun note", we try to complete the disagreement with a hug and apology...it seems like a little laugh before this though helps the apology to come more from the heart (in general, laughter helps with EVERYTHING!).  This is just a little idea that works for the Cole kids.  Let me know what works for you!

Three Cheers for Truthful Peeps!

 Can I get three cheers for friends that kick our butts?  For family that loves us and socks it to us when we need a good socking-to?

All speak-the-truth-in-love peeps of my life deserve a HUGE horary!  Yes, this includes you, dear spouse of mine…even if I don’t always cheer you for doing it most days.

Don’t you love those people?  

Now don’t get me wrong,  I’ll get in line with the best of the blues-crew/cryin’-in-my-beer (or soda) crowd hoping to get some fellow mourner to cry with me or, even better, pat me on the back and say how RIGHT and JUSTIFIED I am in my upset-ed-ness.  I really appreciate a good friend that plays a “hearts and flowers” tune on the world’s tiniest violin or serves me some cheese with my whine…but sometimes, I really don’t need cheese or a violin.  

Sometimes, I need a kick-my-butt-talk that ever so gently (think piano dropping on your head from a fifth story window) helps me to see the error of MY ways (yes, this happens though it is rare) and shows me the light!

There are some important things that must first be in place before a “loving truth say-er” can truly ignite my heart with a passion to change and enlighten me with a fresh perspective (verses just making me want to go and pout…and eat chocolate…and ice-cream.).

The first thing I must know is that these truthful peeps are FOR me. “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:23)

I must know their intent is to HELP me become a better friend/mother/wife/Christ-follower. “In all my prayers for you, I always pray with joy.” (Phil. 1:4)

I must know that whether I CHANGE or not, they will still love me for me.  “Love is patient, love is kind…love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13)

I may be a softy on the outside, but I have a hard core and let me tell ya, sometimes I need someone to kick my pouty-think-I’m-always-right butt into shape…then give me a hug and still love me for me.

Guilt-Free Glee

Something strange happened to me somewhere between the birth of our first and fourth child.  I used to slowly exit the room when I was entrusting our firstborn son to the care of his daddy, fretting every step of the way.  Now I practically throw the four rugrats at him as I gleefully RUN out of the door for my girl’s night out, never looking back, baby!

I used to heap instructions on him about feeding the kids healthy snacks and getting them to bed by 8 pm, sharp.  Now I realize they won’t enter a sugar-coma from eating the fruity pebbles for dinner and if they stay up past their bedtime, dancing like rock-stars to blaring music, that doesn’t mean their chances at Yale will be shot.

In fact, I’ve learned they are BETTER for it.  They are better for having time without me doing things I don’t usually let them do and gosh darn it, I don’t feel guilty for leaving them to rock out with their daddy anymore.  In fact, sometimes I think it takes more guts to leave our children than to cling to them.  Because if we leave them, we have to be okay with them not NEEDING us.

We have to have our OWN identity beyond the mommy-diaries and admit that sometimes kids are having a blast without us.  We have to be okay with them not being in tears while we are gone.  They may not be lamenting about how terrible a night is without their dear mother and how they wish they could be eating broccoli for dinner instead of food that makes their milk turn BLUE (Isn’t that against the law in some states?  Does any other parent think it SHOULD be?!).

Until our identity is grounded in who God thinks we are (children of the King, precious, delighted over and valued so much that He sent his own son to die for us) then we will always carry a burden of worry and guilt that is heavy and absolutely pointless.  Worry about what others think.  Guilt over who we can or can’t be.  Worry about not being needed every second of the day.  Guilt over our kids being too…KID-LIKE!

Whew, it’s just kicks my butt too much to haul that load of crap around, pardon my French.  So I am letting go…and squealing my tires a bit when I tear out of the drive-way as I leave to meet the girlfriends for some greasy food.

…And I’m not going to feel guilty about that either!