Losing Nemo

There is so much talk about “seeing the big picture” all the time and I think that’s important sometimes but not all the time.  Sometimes it’s actually better to see the “little picture”.

This video is today’s story.

We were in Mall of America a few years ago and Gideon (age 2) was about to ride the escalator up, or at least attempt to, as will be made apparent.  He also had just got a new little Nemo toy that he loved and cherished…which will also be made apparent.  

I was thinking back to this day and had to smile when I realized Gideon was seeing the little picture.  As he tumbled over backwards down a falling escalator, all he could think about was his precious Nemo fish that was quickly riding upwards and away from his grip. Everything was crashing around him but he knew that if he could just hang on to what was really important he would be okay.

*Once his Nemo fish was returned to him, Gideon was perfectly fine although his leg was a little sore from his Grandpa’s lightening-fast catch!

Blanket Bandit

Kids make you live life. Like break-out-the-china (and then break it) and throw-the-decorative-throw-pillows LIVE life.  They are the inspiration for living in a home that doesn’t look like the pages of a magazine (even though that does look lovely).  They make life messy, fun and real.

Something happened the other day with Judah and a quilt that made me realize magazine page homes and throw pillows actually staying where they belong is not what leaves lasting memories in life. Here’s the story.

My wonderful grandma just passed away at the age of ninety two a few months ago.  One of the precious keepsakes my mom brought home for us after sorting through her belongings was a hand sewn quilt.  I was excited to get something so beautiful to cherish Grandma Radel (Gigi) by and after fluffing it with some fabric softener, I carefully folded it and set it up just so on the back of our couch. “There,” I thought, “it should be displayed like that forever.”

That’s what I thought.  Judah had a different idea which I discovered when I went to tuck him in that night and he was just a set of dancing brown eyes with a tuft of hair poking out of a quilt burrito like a blanket bandit.

My first reaction was to get after him for using the sacred blanket.  I was just about to open my mouth and scold my 3 year old blanket thief when I broke into a grin instead.

“Well, what the heck!”, I thought to myself.  I think their “Gigi” would be smiling in Heaven if she knew her quilt was being used to keep her two little great grandsons warm at night.  In fact, I am quite sure she would prefer it be used to cover tiny toes than to adorn an empty couch.

I think it is just a little more fun when we get messy and use all the “good china” and items we are waiting (for what, exactly?) for some perfect day to use.  Let’s drink hot chocolate with our kids in those fancy mugs (with extra marshmallows, of course), have a pillow fight with those froufrou (yes, that is a word!) pillows and track snow onto the freshly cleaned floors if it means we just had a blast building a snowman outside.

Kids just seem to know this truth: life is meant to be LIVED.

"Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life" 

— Eleanor Roosevelt

Shut Up & Kiss Me

I finally realized the other day when Bob gets a sultry Rhett Butler (Gone with the Wind) look and says, “You need to be kissed…and often…and by someone who knows how”,  he is actually hoping to get me to shut up by kissing me so I can’t keep talking.

Of course, I'll take that statement from him over his other favorite, "...It's hard to kiss the lips that chew your a** our all day long..." that he heard once in a country song. Either way, it's a win-win for him anytime I'm actually quiet and let the tide of emotions roll on by instead of riding those waves every time they come around!

Ah, to be The Prize Winner from Defiance, Ohio.

Movies can be so educational and inspiring.  Once in awhile there is a movie that raises the bar of who we could be.  The Prize Winner from Defiance, Ohio is based on a true story of an enterprising mother (played by Julianne Moore) of ten who kept poverty at bay with wit, poetry and she had an upbeat attitude even though she was married to an alcoholic that couldn't hold down a job.  

What grabbed me about Moore’s character wasn’t so much what she did but rather what she didn’t do.  If anyone had a reason to get in their spouse’s face and point out some major flaws, it was her.  If anyone had the “right” to have a bad attitude about the way life was turning out, she had it!  She didn’t just take lemons and make lemonade, she made lemonade with a smile and even figured out how to make their family some money while doing it.

The quiet and kind way she responded to trials ranging from spilled milk (when it was all they had to eat) to more bad news from her husband simply amazed me.  It seemed like she knew somehow that no one thrives or reaches their fullest potential under constant criticism.  Instead, she used words of encouragement and quiet support that produced real change.  Lasting change.

It’s been years since I saw that movie but I still often ask myself, “What would the prize winner from Defiance, Ohio do?”, (although I don’t know if W.W.T.P.W.F.D.O.D would make as cool of a bracelet as W.W.J.D.).  I aspire to one day posses her attitude of grace in all situations.

Sometimes that helps me actually shut my mouth when I’m about to start chewing someone’s you-know-what out.  Just sometimes.

But on those rare occasions, I am always reminded that some sugar and a smile really does help my man reach his potential and motivate him to want to change.  And it motivates him to actually want to kiss me instead of just distracting me in the hope that I’ll finally shut up.

Mr. Interrogation’s Determination

My oldest son is destined to be a interrogation officer in the C.I.A.  He can get people to admit things they never planned on admitting to.  Case in point is the conversation I overheard between him and his brother last night after lights out (which usually just means “let’s start the party” to these little night owls)…

“There’s some bad guys in our bed, bro!”  Judah, the younger brother sounded pretty  sure about this.
“There are no bad guys here.”  Gideon said with a “please get real” sigh.
“Yes, there are!”  Judah held his ground.
“Okay…are you telling a lie?”
“NO!”  Judah was outraged at the accusation.
“Well then, Judah, are you not telling the truth?”
“No…”  Judah had to think about that one.
“Hmm.  Are you just pretending?”
“No, bro!”
“Oh.” Gideon was getting bored but persisted, the truth must be found out.   “There are no   bad guys here, are there?  Are you pretending to tell the truth?”
“No…”  Judah was now confused.  What were they talking about again?
“So you did not tell the truth!”
“No….yes…I NOT KNOW BRO!”  Judah cracked.
“Judah, you should not lie.”

At this point, I admit…even I was confused!  Whew, who needs truth serum when you have a relentless four year old on a quest for truth.  I was laughing quietly when I walked away, leaving little Judah to fend for himself in the hot seat, but it hit me that my son’s determination was something I needed more of in my own life.

I love the determination of children.  Think about it, have you ever heard of a toddler not walking because they just gave up trying?  No matter how many times they bang the coffee table (ours is on a sabbatical in storage until all our kids have learned to walk) or get plowed over by an older sibling when they take a tentative step, they just keep on trucking.  They get up again.  And again.  Finally, they take off and become unstoppable!

Lately I have been overwhelmed.  Life has a way of getting busy without providing much of a break sometimes and it’s on those days I want to just give up.  The mess is back.  The laundry is piled to the ceiling, again.  The kids are messy…again (seriously?  I just gave you a bath a week ago!  What’s going on?!).  And the TO DO list gets longer and longer with no end in sight.

I need to take some tips from my little interrogation officers and beginning walkers to not give up.  I don’t have to do it all, I just got to keep trucking.  Take one more step and move forward another day.

Sometimes it’s not the profound truths that change our lives but rather small acts of faithfulness lived out in the day-to-day grind.

I’m just relived we don’t have to do this in our own ability.  The One who has called us to this mission in our life will be faithful to equip us for it.  Just one step at a time…

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

Liar, Liar...Momma's Pants on Fire!

The Great Day had almost arrived.

Gideon had been sweeping floors, wiping counters, washing windows and sorting laundry like a madman.  What would posses a four-year-old to abandon his stress-free brother who would daily attempt to distract him from his mission with pleas to play superheroes and Legos in order to…DO CHORES?  He was single-minded as he worked to earn a “super-awesome” (his words) toy from the new movie Tron..  Literally.  Sometimes I asked him to take a break from chores because he was wearing me out just from watching him!

He was only a few chores away from the Great Day, the day we would go to purchase “the toy he had been dreaming about his whole life”.  He had first seen this amazing toy that was on sale for $13.99 (kid money translation when you earn .25 cents a chore is about $100) at Target and been dreaming and pining away for it ever since.

Dreaming about his Tron toy!

The day before we were set to go to Target, he voiced a big concern he had,

“Mom, what happens if we go to the store and the Tron toy is already gone?”

I was multi-tasking with baths and pajaming-dressing when he asked this and I gave him a half-there response..and I bet every parent out there knows exactly what I mean by that!

“It will be there bud.”  I said.

“Well…” His little brow furrowed in worry, “Are you sure?  Did you ask them to set one aside just for me?”

“Of course I did.”

“Well mom I know we’re ALWAYS supposed to tell the truth.  So, are you  telling me the truth?”

I froze mid-pajama-putting-on and smiled.  Hello there Pope Gideon the Second, I thought.

“You know…I lied.  I didn’t ask them to set aside a Tron toy for you.  I’m sorry for not telling the truth.”  Geez, who needs Jiminy Cricket around here with this guy?  I can’t believe I’m apologizing to a four year old.  I guess I better have a seat in the time-out-chair!


Gideon was quick to forgive.  When the Great Day arrived, the Tron toy was awaiting on the shelf at Target for his new owner.  Thankfully, the clerk didn’t mind getting paid in a mountain of quarters.

Just another day in the life.  Another day when my kids teach me more than I thought they would.  Another day when I remember that values and attitudes are really caught more than taught.

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. ~Josh Billings

Guilt-Free Glee

Something strange happened to me somewhere between the birth of our first and fourth child.  I used to slowly exit the room when I was entrusting our firstborn son to the care of his daddy, fretting every step of the way.  Now I practically throw the four rugrats at him as I gleefully RUN out of the door for my girl’s night out, never looking back, baby!

I used to heap instructions on him about feeding the kids healthy snacks and getting them to bed by 8 pm, sharp.  Now I realize they won’t enter a sugar-coma from eating the fruity pebbles for dinner and if they stay up past their bedtime, dancing like rock-stars to blaring music, that doesn’t mean their chances at Yale will be shot.

In fact, I’ve learned they are BETTER for it.  They are better for having time without me doing things I don’t usually let them do and gosh darn it, I don’t feel guilty for leaving them to rock out with their daddy anymore.  In fact, sometimes I think it takes more guts to leave our children than to cling to them.  Because if we leave them, we have to be okay with them not NEEDING us.

We have to have our OWN identity beyond the mommy-diaries and admit that sometimes kids are having a blast without us.  We have to be okay with them not being in tears while we are gone.  They may not be lamenting about how terrible a night is without their dear mother and how they wish they could be eating broccoli for dinner instead of food that makes their milk turn BLUE (Isn’t that against the law in some states?  Does any other parent think it SHOULD be?!).

Until our identity is grounded in who God thinks we are (children of the King, precious, delighted over and valued so much that He sent his own son to die for us) then we will always carry a burden of worry and guilt that is heavy and absolutely pointless.  Worry about what others think.  Guilt over who we can or can’t be.  Worry about not being needed every second of the day.  Guilt over our kids being too…KID-LIKE!

Whew, it’s just kicks my butt too much to haul that load of crap around, pardon my French.  So I am letting go…and squealing my tires a bit when I tear out of the drive-way as I leave to meet the girlfriends for some greasy food.

…And I’m not going to feel guilty about that either!

Your Excuse to VACATION!

As if we ever need an excuse to take a vacation, but just in case, here’s a great one: Vision Retreats.

I will totally fess up to this: I am an idea mooch!  I like to make like a sponge when I’m around anyone that is sharing some great ideas and soak it up for my own life.  That’s exactly what I did when I heard a man named Jimmy Evans on the radio.  He said things that gave me a fresh take on marriage and family and I’d love to share it with you in Evan’s own words:

"When I first began in the ministry, I knew I had to have a vision for the church if we were ever going to go anywhere.  I never even thought about Karen [his wife] and I having a vision. One day David Smith, a dear friend of mine from Orlando, Florida, began telling me that he and his wife go on a vision retreat every year, a time that they take every year to go and get God's vision for their marriage. So about ten years ago, Karen and I did our first vision retreat. It absolutely transformed our marriage in about a three-day period of time.

David Smith: "We go out of town for a minimum of three days, and we start praying and asking God about goals that He wants for us, really almost like a prayer list. We go through the calendar and we schedule the entire year, because if we don't, we won't have family nights, we won't have date nights, we won't have our retreat times, we won't have vacation. If I let the calendar crowd out all that stuff, we'll never end up doing it." 

Once this idea got knocking around in my brain, I figured there was no time like the present.  Bob and I were on phase three of the “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage” plan so we packed up our stuff and I squeezed my huge belly into our little truck and we headed to a friend’s cabin in the chilly Northwoods for our family’s first Vision Retreat.

It’s amazing what three days and two nights in a little space with only a fireplace to keep you warm and no television will do for a marriage.  After we quit arguing about the best way to keep a fire going and who was stealing all the blankets at night, we finally got around to figuring out our lives.

Okay, not quite.  But we did end up having a blast as we discussed and wrote out what we hoped to do in the coming year as new parents.  Who we were wanting to be.  What life with a baby could look like.  Dreams!  Goals!  Vision!  Then we actually had the kid and decided our new vision would be to just get out of bed in the morning after being up all night with a newborn!  But it was still worth it because it helped us remember the big picture amidst sleepless nights and busy days.

Another thing I love about a vision retreat is you can get creative and make it your own.  Have it in a hotel, cabin or a tent in your living room.  Bring the kiddos or leave them with a babysitter.  Have it every year or every few months.  Just don’t forget the basics: paper and pen for writing ideas, your Bible, a calendar to make a plan, an open mind and your special someone to argue about who is stealing the blankets of course!

Happy Vision Retreating, my friend!

Upstream Living

Here is your mission: be a family of VISION!

I have no idea who Charles H. Parkhurst is but he has an awesome quote so I should give him the credit, “Purpose is what gives life meaning…a drifting boat always drifts downstream.”  In other words, without purpose and vision we will just drift aimlessly.

When families become that “drifting boat”, they live in a constant state of REacting to life rather than ACTING on life and seizing the moment, the day and their destiny!

I totally can relate to how easily this can happen as the busy and even GOOD things of life can rob us from investing our time in the BEST.  But here is the mission (if you choose to accept it, fellow agents!)…

1.  CREATE a vision for your family.
2.  LIVE with that vision in mind.
3.  TRY again when the vision gets lost in the craziness!

Here’s a few practical ways we are trying to flesh this out with our crew.  One of the visions for our family is that we will always be close-knit and will protect each other and believe the best (and look for it) in one another.  We pray for God to help us to do this and ask Him to keep us united.  When the boys get into a throw-down over serious life issues, like who gets to be the red Spiderman (verses the black one of course), it’s a great time to practice living out our vision.  I grab the hand of my red Spiderman and my black Spiderman and ask them,

“Who is always going to be your best friend?  Your brother, right?”  (Also a good time for some brain-washing!)  “Well, is this how we treat best friends?  Do you think there is some selfishness in your heart that God wants to change?  Let’s pray right now that Jesus will help us be kind and put others first.”

If this doesn’t work, I just duct tape them together until they kiss and make up.  That works too.  Just kidding…maybe.

Another vision for our family is that we want to do life together, even now with lots of little ones.  Of course, some days it just can’t happen but we try our darndest!

For example, we ALL go shopping at Target together.  The battle plan is laid out before we even exit the suburban.  “You will not scream, grab, wiggle, talk or breath in this store.  You will be an angel and I will be happy I brought you today.”  Okay, that’s not exactly what we say, but we do go over some expectations first.  We then load them in a cart and try to have some fun while stocking up on diapers in hopes that we will single-handedly sky-rocket our shares invested in Pampers company.  When the kids attempt to exit our moving vehicle and their little hands get stuck on every super-hero toy, we remind them of our vision.

“We are here to spend time together because it’s fun to do things as a family.  We’re not here just to buy toys and candy.”

When that doesn’t work, we get out the duct-tape again and tape them to the cart.  Boy that stuff comes in handy.

Doing life together: Superhero Party for Judah where we were ALL superheros for him!

My point is, make a vision.  Life’s easier.  Life is more fun.  Life becomes less about reacting to moments and more about acting out goals and dreams.  Then you can be a boat heading someplace cool instead of just drifting downstream.  Besides, isn’t there always a scary drop off when you just drift downstream?  At least that always happens in the movies.  Hmm.

Well, happy visioning, my fellow agents!

*Stay tuned for tomorrow’s follow-up blog: Vision Retreats!!

Entertain Me

Do you remember Nirvana?  Although I was never a heavy metal rocker (I know, you’re shocked.), I often sang along with their song that seemed to be a voice of my generation, “Here I am now-ENTERTAIN ME!”

I think about that now and smile…how LAME!  Nothing against the memory of Kurt Cobain, but I really hate that idea.  The idea that the world should revolve around ME and serve me.  I would rather sing, “Here I am now, how can I serve?”  Maybe not as catchy but MORE powerful in my opinion.

We are raising a new generation and I’m wondering, what will my children expect?  To be entertained 24/7 or to serve?

The answer to that question I believe will be determined by what we are teaching them today.  A powerful and practical way to help them remember they are not the sun and the world does not revolve around them is to let them engage in FREE PLAY!

Don’t be shocked but I’m going to use the “B” word here..it’s okay sometimes for kids to be BORED!

Although that may seem almost like a bad word in our culture today, being bored has its rewards.  In fact, although kids may complain they are “dying of boredom”, so far no such death has been recorded.

Here is another shocker: my family didn’t get our first T.V. until I was thirteen.  No, we weren’t Amish but life without television had its perks.  It gave us time to shoot down the stairs in sleeping-bag-roller-coasters and build huge Lego towns.  And I’m sure my little brothers appreciated being me and my sister’s life-size dolls as we dressed them in princess outfits complete with rosy cheeks and lipstick.

Of course, I am not saying to never play with your kids or never let them watch T.V. (I would be frazzled some days without our little boob toob part-time babysitter), but I AM saying we need not smother-mother (i.e., hover over) children by thinking WE must entertain them every waking hour.

A moment of boredom with my children leads them (with a bit of idea assistance when they are still young) engage is some free play.  I love seeing what happens when my boys say they are bored and I LET them be bored…suddenly a clothes basket becomes a space-ship to Mars, a pile of neglected coloring books explode with colors and a dishtowel becomes the cape of a superhero who is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!

You are one amazing and busy mama (or daddy) that already does A TON for your sweet lil’ offspring.  This is your permission to take a break! Let’s stop entertaining our kids every minute of the day and let them be a little bored…and witness the power of a child’s imagination.

Toilet Tsunami

Have you ever had one of those crazy-mama-days that taking a shower seems like a luxury? Yesterday was that day. Although I did get a shower that I wasn’t planning on…does it count if it’s a toilet water shower?

Ah, life with our son Judah is never dull. Here is the story…

Five o’clock is not my favorite time of the day. The kid’s stomachs begin to growl and as they melt down I begin growling too. Of course, the baby would never think of sleeping during the “crazy hour” so I strap her onto my back and hurriedly throw dinner into the oven and set the table.

I had just seen Judah dart upstairs muttering something about “poo-poo” and since he’s now under 24/7 potty surveillance due to a recent bathroom flooding at his grandparent’s house, I follow him up to make sure he parks his rear on the toilet for a change.

One peek assures me he is being good and is also the only three-year-old I know that makes a toilet look like a lazy boy. With his feet propped up and a book in hand, I can see he plans on staying awhile so I run back downstairs to check on dinner.

As soon as the kids get set up with their food I decide to check on Judah again who has now been M.I.A. for over ten minutes which is never a good sign. It was then I heard the sound of rushing waters and for a split second I felt like the apostle John from Revelation receiving a vision of heaven…until I realized the water POURING down from the stairs and vents over the dining room ceiling was more like a vision of hell!

It could be said that some of our children our more familiar with their middle names than others. Judah definitely knows his. In the two seconds it took for me to shout, “JUDAH DAVID” and sprint upstairs, over an inch of standing water was already flooding the dining room AND drowning the kid’s plates on the table.

Gideon is not easily surprised by his little brother’s antics as he just sighed, put his hood up to stay dry and continued eating. His little sister meanwhile was shouting and pointing to the ceiling, obviously confused as to how it could rain INSIDE the house.

By the time I reached my sweet butt-naked child in the tsunami that used to be our bathroom, I was dripping wet as was Gabby who went along for the water-ride on my back!

I carried him downstairs (perfect timing as Bob just walked in the door of Noah’s Ark, i.e., our house) and actually smiled (a teeny-tiny one) when he asked in surprise upon seeing the downstairs, “Hey! What’s this big mess?”

I then gleefully handed one naked boy and a pile of towels to my husband and said, “Welcome home, hon. How was YOUR day?”

That day I had just been going over all my HUGE goals and ambitions for the coming year of 2011. My list has just been revised. 2011 Goal: Survive.*

Your grace is sufficient for me. Your power is made perfect in my WEAKNESS. Thank you, God.

*I also aspire to blog everyday so stay tuned…